here it is… I can finally speak freely without a single ounce of anxiety. I didn’t think I was going to make it another 6 months. He has always said he was going to kill me. I never realized how serious he was.
Almost a year ago I started my business as a way out. A way to save myself and my kids.
I married a total con artist narcissist who is an abusive drug addict.
He moved me and my daughter 2 hours away from our life 5 years ago, promising he was not using. At the time I had a few years clean under my belt.
I moved down here in June 2013 and 2 days before our 1 year anniversary that September, I found the first needle in the garage. And I just remember screaming and the world around me spinning. I just wanted to give up. I was conned. I was cheated out of life. But I already loved him and KNEW I had to try and help him.
Once I found out about that I instantly learned an entirely new personality of his. One who would yell at me over eyeing up a cup of cereal while we were trying to get healthy and such. One that would bully and mock my daughter and blame her for everything. One that got mad at me because I told him I would always choose my kids over anyone else.
Things didn’t get better and I ended up moving back home after some time, to my parents house. They’re very toxic, abusive, and always drunk and my dad would call me a slut in front of my then 3 year old little girl. My now husband, then boyfriend, came up to my parents house, promised to go to rehab and work a program and I believed him and he brought my daughter and I back down here. He never changed. Sure he had times where he would get some clean time in but it never would last.
As of now haven’t talked to my family in 3 years. In that time we have had a son and we got married. I always kept thinking I could save him but I was so wrong.
6 months ago he went to rehab for 2 weeks, as soon as he came home he was using again. In the last 6 months he has left bruises on me and put a loaded gun to my head 3 times. In the last 2 months I have been really working on myself. Got off psych meds (i am diagnosed with bi polar disorder, anxiety, depression, ptsd and adhd) and switched to vitamins and meditation and therapy techniques. and lots of practice breathing. I also quit smoking cigarettes and began to see things for what they were.
on 4/20/18I found all of the strength I could muster up and I found help. I got a PFA and allowed a search of our properties. My kids and I are finally free and hopefully safe. The weekend was insane but last night was better and we were able to sleep. I hope nobody else shows up looking for him. The cops have been amazing, really and truly protecting us! They are always here in 2 minutes when I call.
Before I moved down here I had my own apartment, my own car, now I have his house and no car and hardly any money.
My business is still slowly growing and now I have to make even bigger moves that I am not prepared for in any way except for mentally.
Please share or donate so that my kids and I can move on with our lives without losing anything more.