Re-post from 02/05/2018

Crazy how things have changed since I posted this. I know in the last 6 months I chose to thoroughly focus on myself and kids. and it worked out better than I ever thought it could.

 

So my company (Rusnock Naturals) is spreading beyond handcrafted beauty and wellness products and I couldn’t be happier.

Together we can learn new and healthier ways of getting through life whether it be meditation, exercise, coloring, self talk, healthier eating, overall healthier head space.

I am working so hard at getting my body healthy that I also have been trying to focus on my brain (mental, emotional and structural) health as well.

Baby steps…. it’s not a race and don’t let anybody ever tell you that your progress  no matter how slow, isn’t good enough.

Avoid chemicals when possible.

After switching to a gluten free lifestyle, my gut has become so much more healthy than it ever previously was. I am eating more chocolate and sugar these days but I am in the bathroom a lot less haha yes i know my sugar intake needs modified. I learned that there is serotonin not only in the brain, but also in the gut, so when your gut is not functioning properly than your brain will also be functioning improperly and vice versa.

A lot of these Life blogs will contain a lot of rambling…. I decided to begin venting and communicating here, because it’ll be healthier for me in a few ways, and possibly helpful for you and basically because my husband can only handle so much of my talking, and i probably hit that limit years ago…. he’s the only adult I’m exposed to daily in real life currently….so clearly I need another outlet. Here I am 🙂

So getting healthy actually began for me years ago…. when I first decided to go to rehab and get clean in like 2009…. after about 6 months clean and sober, I relapsed,  and spent about another year in active addiction before getting pregnant, which led to me putting down the drugs for good.

After having my daughter my ideas about life changed and I knew my life wasn’t fixed because I put down the drugs.. but I still wasn’t working holistically… I was still surrounded by toxicity and negativity and that can seriously kill a person…… I finally met my (now) husband, who happened to live about 2 hours away, so spending more time in his town took me far enough away from my situation and relationships back home that I was able to see them for what they were.

I decided enough was enough and committed a major taboo according to society….and cut out my parents which led to losing my entire family. And then shortly after, I became pregnant and this time there were no drugs to get clean from….. but there was much internal and external toxicity that needed to go!

Wanting to get the process handled as stress free and swiftly as possible before our son came, and under the watch of medical and psychological experts, I went into EMDR Trauma Therapy due to my childhood PTSD diagnosis.. this therapy was what helped me through the process of grieving the loss of my still living parents, brother, and relatives.

However, this was the first MAJOR step in getting mentally and emotionally healthy…. this would officially be about 4 years after getting clean.

You can be clean and sober and still be MISERABLE, especially if you aren’t working on your mental and emotional health. They say you need to get clean for yourself, well I got clean for my child… it wasn’t until years later that I knew I was basically an empty vessel and in order to STAY clean and on track, I had to do it for myself. Doesn’t matter how you get there, just as long as you get there!!

Today I still deal with some toxic people and negativity but I feel like I am better equip to deal with it these days. And that it won’t be this way forever. Trying so hard to lead them into a more positive head space a long the way..

I am working daily on being happy, being positive, being selfless, being a good mom and wife, not dwelling on the past, not passing judgement, trying to work on being more understanding…. trying to work on my own mental health issues and all of their side effects! Trying to stay busy and work towards a life I never thought possible… and I have never been more driven towards success in my life… and nobody is gonna stop me OR get me down.

To live my life… I used to say, I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy…. I used to be so caught up in how damaged I was and the things that I’ve done….. some days I still catch myself there but hey we all have bad days and whats important is what we do from this moment on. These days, I feel like a warrior, an unstoppable force… even all alone.

Everything that happened in the past, leave it there… no reason to dwell on it or hold the past over anyone’s head… I learned this the hard way I guess and it also took way too long to learn… nobody is perfect, everybody is going to hurt you, we are all only human and we all make mistakes.

 

Xoxo

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s