I just listened to an awesome podcast about empaths, narcissists, and father wounds.
I am never allowing another narcissist into my life again if I can help it.
I am so grateful for my head space and mind set these days. I prepared myself mentally and emotionally for all of this. I am stronger than I never knew that I could be.
I am looking forward to the future.
With that being said, I have developed a tentative criteria for dating in the future.
And I have been asked to expand. So here goes.
(be careful what you ask for)
- Must have a stable career
- Not drug dealing— that is not a small business no matter how many times you say it is.
- Being a career criminal is also not a qualifying career.
- Stable. Career.
- Must have your own money
- Not drug money.
- Not money from illegal activities.
- Not money that you steal.
- Money that you grind for legally.
- Money that is the result of actual work.
- Do not ask me for money.
- Must not need me to be like your mother
- I am not picking up after another man.
- I already have 2 actual children.
- I am not going to try to fix you or raise you into a man.
- I am not going to put your needs ahead of my own or the needs of my kids.
- I am not going to lose myself trying to fix you.
- It is not my job to be your mother.
- Yes, I will clean and cook and do laundry and be mother-ly loving as long as it is appreciated– but guess what, you can do those things too =)
- If you feel like I am being harsh and selfish, well you’re right. Being a people pleasing push over is how I got here in the first place.
- Must be respectful to myself and my kids
- Should not need to expand on this, if you don’t know what respect is I will figure it out almost instantly.
- I burn bridges and I do not look back.
- No I will not put you before my kids, not even if it’s the end of the world. I would rather die.
- Bully or mock any of us once and that’s the end.
- Must FEEL music
- Lyrics mean more to me than the song, bass means more to me than the words. I feel music all over my body. It is the most powerful healing tool that I utilize. If you are out of touch with soul awakening music then odds are you are out of touch with me.
- I listen to every genre of music, if you judge any music that I listen too, you are judging me and I am going to take it personal. We can all enjoy different styles of things and not judge another person for their own style. Worry about your own likes, it’s not your job to control others.
- Must be passionate, hungry for success, and have life goals
- What is your life plan? Your vision?
- Where do you see yourself in 5 years? In 10 years?
- What are your dreams and aspirations?
- Where in your life do you thrive the most?
- Are you easily defeated?
- What do you have to offer to the world?
- What do you have to offer in my life?
- What do you do for those who aren’t as blessed as you?
- Must not be lazy
- Get up and lend a helping hand.
- Sleep when you are dead.
- Something will always need done.
- I only sit to blog and write, I don’t even watch t.v.
- I maybe get 6 hours of sleep on a good night, if I can survive on that with 2 kids pulling at me 24/7, you should be just fine enough to keep up.
- Daily naps are for children, again—sleep when you are dead.
- Must not be a drug addict or alcoholic
- I can accept nature but nothing beyond that.
- I do not really drink and I am not into drugs.
- When I met my husband in 2012, I was going on 3 years clean, I would be coming up on 8 years on October 1, 2018… now instead, in 4 days (May 7, 2018) I will have 1 month of clean time. I do not consider myself as bad off as I was when I first got clean in 2010. I am mentally and emotionally good and have zero desire to get high. I never wanted it when he had it but he would use it to control me. Finally a month ago I handed the cocaine back to him and said I was good. Every single time I used cocaine (my former drug of choice) it was the same terrible feeling. Just to be inside of my head, hating myself, degrading myself, while highly agitated and then just wanting more in 30 minutes. I do not like that feeling at all. I am being very responsible about what goes into my body from now on.
- If I drink, it is likely half of a gluten free Angry Orchard like once a month and that is even way more than I need haha.
- Must enjoy hiking, the outdoors, adventures, fun, and getting dirty
- You don’t have to be a hippie tree hugger, but I don’t really want to sit around the house when there is entire world to explore.
- We come from the earth and the universe and why wouldn’t you want to be a part of that? It is invigorating being in touch with nature.
- In my life, most days I do not want to be outside because I would rather seclude myself and sit and be owned by my own toxic thoughts and mental health issues. I do not prefer this as much as it just happens and takes me over. So I will force myself out on every nice day and won’t regret it at all in the end.
- I need somebody who will, on the days when necessary, force me into doing things like going outside and getting out of my head. Progress over perfection.
- Must love cats
- It’s o.k. if you do not love them. But if I love them and you want to love me, you will treat them well.
- You will not talk to them like straight garbage, that will be the end.
- We are all done being verbally abused, kids and cats included.
- Must strive towards positivity & optimism every day
- I understand that we all have bad days, I do too. And sometimes I will find myself stuck in negativity and hopelessness but it is important not to stay there.
- Don’t keep shit inside so then it builds up and you freak out.
- Toxic masculinity is not welcome here and not how I will be raising my son.
- I also am raising my daughter to not accept a man that isn’t in touch with his feelings.
- Feelings and emotions are part of the human experience, no gender labeling required.
- Must be willing to help my mental health healing journey and not judge me because of it
- Just be supportive. I am not an easy person, I haven’t had an easy 30 years. I am doing my best to survive daily and I need someone in my life who wants to be a part of that. Always progress, never perfection.
- I need a man who is gentle, and considerate and who doesn’t take my bad days personally.
- I need someone who is able to redirect me and get me into a better head space as opposed to belittling me and judging me.
- Must be humble and know how to empathize with others
- If you need this explained then please just give up now.
To reiterate— If you feel like I am being harsh and selfish, well you’re right. Being a people pleasing push over for 30 years is how I got here in the first place. I am not going to be an easy woman to please from this moment forward. I want effort. I deserve it. My kids deserve it. If you think I am being a bitch, thanks for the empowering compliment, I AM A BITCH and proud, now move along, only grown men desired here, thanks.
I am far from ready to date seriously. But I am working on my game plan so that I am prepared and strong before I ever let another man in.
No ego driven narcissists. No negative “whoa is me” little man children.
Now that I know I can do it on my own, I don’t really need a man at all to complete me. I am able to complete myself with just me and my kids.
Now, a man that will add too and enhance my life and support me and my dreams and goals and cheer me on while I build my empire, help satisfy the needs that I cannot and fix broken appliances that I cannot and be a legit role model for my kids—sounds good to me 🙂
And I’ll never again trust somebody that doesn’t like cats.
I will add to this as I see fit!