Flashback


The gun
My cat
The gun
My head
Over 3 years later

The gun
My cat
The gun
My head

I see my precious boy
Cuddle him closely
While he purrs

The gun
My cat

You grabbed him
And put it to his head
You’re sick
That was the end

Over 3 years later
The memories still flood me

The gun
My head
The basement
The wall
Sleeping children
Silent witnesses
Screaming woman
Laughing man

Aluminum baseball bat
Tapping on my head
In hopes to crush my skull
And leave me dead

The gun
My cat
The gun
My brains

Could have been all over
That basement floor
What the fuck exactly
Was that

Terrified
The most terrifying night of my life
As I truly believed that I would die

I wonder how you sleep at night
Full of drugs to kill the brain
I wish I could be weak like you
And succumb to the demons of my thoughts

But I can’t
I have things to live for
Children to live for
A life to live for

These early morning thoughts
Keep me on the edge of insane

The gun
My cat
The gun
My head

This is abuse
The control you’ve placed upon my mind
My memories are badly tainted
And you’re the one to blame

How much longer
Until I forget
How much longer
Until my brain let’s go

Is this forever
This ptsd monster
Driving me crazy
Partying on like a Rockstar

Leave me alone
I am done with you
You are not welcome here
But the memories remain

The gun
My cat
The gun
My head

A night I can’t forget
So close to my last night alive
On the brink of my last breath
Something forced me to fight

That night
Will forever haunt me
Forever though?
Thats torture

I am so grateful to be alive
Now I will continue to thrive

I’ll keep this box of darkness
Deep inside
The one you gave me
A death sentence and a gift

Thank you for allowing me to see
That monsters are real
They just look like you and like me
How could one ever know
Without living through the fire
That is hell

That’s how you know
You walk through the flames
Like a damn warrior
Coming out burned, singed, and scarred
Never turning back

The gun
My cat
The gun
My head

I hope someday I can go to bed
Without you haunting my mind
I hope to one day wake up
With clarity and happiness
No fear, no trauma

When will this go away
When can I look at my cat
And not flash
All the way back
When?

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