Available on Amazon Kindle! I know you’ll love it! A Lot: A Survival Memoir Through Mental Health, Addiction, and Abuse is a terrifyingly real journey through different variations of hell. From managing mental health issues at an early age, to dealing with addictions, as well as abuse that has occurred surrounding these experiences. A Lot is a personal account of my life experiences which has been mainly tumultuous. I feel like I have experienced some very large and catastrophic events in my life and I wanted to share my story for multiple reasons. I want to educate, I want to … Continue reading Check out my Memoir!
She waited for changeShe stayedShe thought it would get betterBut she was wrong Through turmoil and painThunder and rainShe cried for daysJust wanting to run away She waited for changeShe stayedShe thought it would get betterBut she was wrong There was love at the beginningOr so she believedBut she was wrongShe was fighting a war she would not winAt least not in the way that she thought She held onShe screamedShe fought for her lifeShe prayedShe beggedHelp She waited for changeShe stayedShe thought it would get betterBut she was wrong FinallyA choice that was made through herBut not by herSomething … Continue reading Like A Warrior
I have overstayed my welcome many times in all types of relationships because I constantly re-paint people even after they have shown me their true colors.. That’s no Michaelangelo type shit… that is some straight Picasso type shit because his … Continue reading I wrote this in November…. should have posted it then!
We ended up being able to spend a long weekend in my hometown and it was nice and really so very necessary. But then here we are. Back at this place. This house. The house we may lose before I even get to sell, which would mean we walk with nothing after this total shit show. I am feeling hopeless today. I move forward 2 steps and then get pushed back 10 steps instantly. I am grateful but like, not prepared to live in my car with 2 kids and 3 cats. Obviously I would never let that happen. I … Continue reading I need to be here way more often…
Life is truly what you make of it, regardless of your circumstances. This has taken me so long to learn. Like a good 25 years. I never wanted to believe that I had actual control over my destiny because my … Continue reading Life after shitty dealt hands does exist
Your gut will never steer you wrong. Never. I heard a quote recently “if it feels weird, it is weird.” Hold onto that. Trust yourself and your gut. I have an anxiety disorder and it is still no excuse to … Continue reading Honesty saves everyone’s time.
Today was scary as hell and empowering. We went to court for our PFA. My attorney went into the courtroom and I did not have too. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to be walked out past me. In neon yellow and shackles. His eyes burned through my soul. He stopped for a moment, we both locked eyes, I looked away. Shook to the core. Tears to follow. I survived. He is only worried about selling the home where my kids and I are living, He must need commissary for some Ramen! How selfish. Want to sell the … Continue reading You don’t do it for me anymore.
But, how do you begin to overcome this. Long story short, self love. Luckily I am a veteran at surviving things like physical, psychological, and emotional abuse, but not all of us are so lucky. Here I am 9 days after you were removed from this house. In 2 hours exactly. 9 days free. Like a bird and I have only hardly begun to find my wings. I never knew I had this strength. I loved him. This total narcissist, con-artist, abusive, selfish, asshole, drug addict. But he saved me. But I found out too late about him. This … Continue reading We will overcome this.
Crazy how things have changed since I posted this. I know in the last 6 months I chose to thoroughly focus on myself and kids. and it worked out better than I ever thought it could. So my company (Rusnock Naturals) is spreading beyond handcrafted beauty and wellness products and I couldn’t be happier. Together we can learn new and healthier ways of getting through life whether it be meditation, exercise, coloring, self talk, healthier eating, overall healthier head space. I am working so hard at getting my body healthy that I also have been trying to focus on … Continue reading Re-post from 02/05/2018
You have been gone a week, well in like 8 hours technically But still. You are gone. Because of me! I finally found the strength that you thought I never had. The strength that you thought you had stolen from me for years. And maybe you did, but guess what, I found it! My babies and I are free. Free. I lost myself because of you. I lost myself a few times. I did not recognize the girl in the mirror. You scared me. I scared myself. We could not go on like that forever. I will … Continue reading The end & The beginning.
here it is… I can finally speak freely without a single ounce of anxiety. I didn’t think I was going to make it another 6 months. He has always said he was going to kill me. I never realized how … Continue reading we survived. we are free.
Yesterday I was told (by a man) that women are stronger than men and can endure through way more than a man can and it is simply because women cry more. We cry more. I don’t know about other women but I cry A LOT. probably way more than a normal woman should. I cry when I am hurt I cry when I am sad I cry when I think about how I was basically cheated out of a life I cry when I think of death I cry when I think of losing the people that I love I … Continue reading Apparently tears don’t run out.