I need to be here way more often…

We ended up being able to spend a long weekend in my hometown and it was nice and really so very necessary. But then here we are. Back at this place. This house. The house we may lose before I even get to sell, which would mean we walk with nothing after this total shit show. I am feeling hopeless today. I move forward 2 steps and then get pushed back 10 steps instantly. I am grateful but like, not prepared to live in my car with 2 kids and 3 cats. Obviously I would never let that happen. I … Continue reading I need to be here way more often…

Apparently tears don’t run out.

Yesterday I was told (by a man) that women are stronger than men and can endure through way more than a man can and it is simply because women cry more. We cry more. I don’t know about other women but I cry A LOT. probably way more than a normal woman should. I cry when I am hurt I cry when I am sad I cry when I think about how I was basically cheated out of a life I cry when I think of death I cry when I think of losing the people that I love I … Continue reading Apparently tears don’t run out.

in short. don’t give up. you can’t.

What do you do When you feel like you don’t belong Like a lost dog. And feel so trapped at the same time. Like trying to climb out from a hole that has no bottom, that you can’t seem to get out of. Clawing at the dirt… All while it keeps caving in on you…. Suffocating.   This life is forcing me to use strength That I never knew I had There is no “call home” Whenever things get bad. There is no savior.   Just me.   Fighting this battle. Alone. After what I thought I knew Turned out … Continue reading in short. don’t give up. you can’t.

Therapy.

The struggle To survive Is so real When your mind is working against you daily. And all of the time.   How do you live When you only think about dying?   You simply survive.   Every day of my life The thoughts don’t stop Especially lately   Becoming unstable, then… Choosing my own demise… I was weak. However, I don’t recall being in the drivers seat Of my mind at that point in time…   I don’t need to be under the influence to make bad decisions. My brain does that just fine on its own.   But… “that’s … Continue reading Therapy.