I need to be here way more often…

We ended up being able to spend a long weekend in my hometown and it was nice and really so very necessary. But then here we are. Back at this place. This house. The house we may lose before I even get to sell, which would mean we walk with nothing after this total shit show. I am feeling hopeless today. I move forward 2 steps and then get pushed back 10 steps instantly. I am grateful but like, not prepared to live in my car with 2 kids and 3 cats. Obviously I would never let that happen. I … Continue reading I need to be here way more often…

Progress over Perfection & Intermittent Fasting.

Always progress over perfection!! There has to be no other option to maintain sanity in a totally insane brain and world. I finally did it, I slept in my bedroom last night. It was 4 weeks exactly that I have slept on the couch. It has been brutal.  Of course I had nightmares which I knew would the case. My plan on getting down there was to do so as soon as I felt like I couldn’t physically keep myself awake anymore and that was so the case at like 11:30pm after having been awake for 14 hours. I laid … Continue reading Progress over Perfection & Intermittent Fasting.

in short. don’t give up. you can’t.

What do you do When you feel like you don’t belong Like a lost dog. And feel so trapped at the same time. Like trying to climb out from a hole that has no bottom, that you can’t seem to get out of. Clawing at the dirt… All while it keeps caving in on you…. Suffocating.   This life is forcing me to use strength That I never knew I had There is no “call home” Whenever things get bad. There is no savior.   Just me.   Fighting this battle. Alone. After what I thought I knew Turned out … Continue reading in short. don’t give up. you can’t.

Holiday

Holiday’s are just another day anymore Days that happen to drive me insane in the days leading up to a holiday things change for me and its only when I begin snapping at my husband that we sit down and talk he says “I cant believe this is still so hard for you, but I get it. and then we realize “oh, Easter is coming” Which this year also lands on my Grandpa’s birthday AND April Fool’s Day too bad none of this is a joke.   Have fun today spending time with each other and if i come up … Continue reading Holiday