The Spider

The spider weaves his web so beautifully spun. I often wonder if I could be a spider and spin a web so perfect. The spider uses his new spun home to catch his prey. He delicately but skillfully wraps up his dinner to save for later. A bug. A mere defenseless bug. I wonder if you screamed like I screamed, being all wrapped up. Can you not breathe like I couldn’t breathe, being so wrapped up tight. Lying in web, waiting for my demise. A friend joins me, also stuck in the predatory grasp of the beautifully spun web. Here … Continue reading The Spider

Flashback

The gunMy catThe gunMy headOver 3 years later The gunMy catThe gunMy head I see my precious boyCuddle him closelyWhile he purrs The gunMy cat You grabbed himAnd put it to his headYou’re sickThat was the end Over 3 years laterThe memories still flood me The gunMy headThe basementThe wallSleeping childrenSilent witnessesScreaming womanLaughing man Aluminum baseball batTapping on my headIn hopes to crush my skullAnd leave me dead The gunMy catThe gunMy brains Could have been all overThat basement floorWhat the fuck exactlyWas that TerrifiedThe most terrifying night of my lifeAs I truly believed that I would die I wonder … Continue reading Flashback

Let Go

Its time to let it all go and liveWe must healWe must forgive othersBut more importantlyWe must forgive ourselves Forgive ourselves for the times when we were weakFor the times when we were cruelFor the times when we didn’t know any betterFor the times that were accidentsFor the times that were out of our control Forgiveness is the key to livingAnd many can’t do thisAnd why is that?Self-love is in lack Maybe we believe we don’t deserve loveEspecially if we think that we do not deserve forgivenessBut forgiveness is up to usWe are in charge and we have to know … Continue reading Let Go

Validation

It is almost Easter. It is almost the 3rd Easter since I saw my family last. It has been 3 years. It feels like it all happened YESTERDAY. According to society, I have committed a taboo, by cutting off the contact with my parents, by cutting off toxic hell.   I woke up this morning feeling some kind of way, because it is almost the 3rd Easter without them. It means nothing, it is just another day, I know this. But my anxiety insists, that I keep in mind, That I am the blackest sheep of all the sheep. This … Continue reading Validation

The hell that is my mind

Anxiety is the owner here. we are fine. There is no cure when it comes to crippling anxiety due to things like trauma and bi polar disorder. There is only work, daily. How the hell have I even made it this far? work, daily. I hate to be out in the real world because too much public contact freaks me out and yet, I still have a mind on over drive, while I am home, not near crowds, just me and my mind, going insane….. work, daily. How do I stay alive everyday? These flashbacks and toxic thoughts are enough … Continue reading The hell that is my mind