We ended up being able to spend a long weekend in my hometown and it was nice and really so very necessary. But then here we are. Back at this place. This house. The house we may lose before I even get to sell, which would mean we walk with nothing after this total shit show. I am feeling hopeless today. I move forward 2 steps and then get pushed back 10 steps instantly. I am grateful but like, not prepared to live in my car with 2 kids and 3 cats. Obviously I would never let that happen. I … Continue reading I need to be here way more often…
Your gut will never steer you wrong. Never. I heard a quote recently “if it feels weird, it is weird.” Hold onto that. Trust yourself and your gut. I have an anxiety disorder and it is still no excuse to … Continue reading Honesty saves everyone’s time.
Life was supposed to go back to normal today and as I typed that sentence I realize that is highly imaginative thinking, for sure. 11 days later. Fuck. I have been losing it because of my 2 year old son … Continue reading Some real stuff… truth hurts
So many things are going to change and I am not sure that I am ready. I am filled with sadness, right now. I feel so bad for him. After everything. I loved him no matter what. I feel like a fool. Full of dread. I just feel lonely and sad and confused and lost worthless And at the same time, feel like I am an unstoppable force capable of anything. I feel defeated and discouraged And yet somehow remain hopeful And I have no idea where that is even coming from. I feel betrayed and let down … Continue reading this may be the night that my dreams might let me know….
You have been gone a week, well in like 8 hours technically But still. You are gone. Because of me! I finally found the strength that you thought I never had. The strength that you thought you had stolen from me for years. And maybe you did, but guess what, I found it! My babies and I are free. Free. I lost myself because of you. I lost myself a few times. I did not recognize the girl in the mirror. You scared me. I scared myself. We could not go on like that forever. I will … Continue reading The end & The beginning.
here it is… I can finally speak freely without a single ounce of anxiety. I didn’t think I was going to make it another 6 months. He has always said he was going to kill me. I never realized how … Continue reading we survived. we are free.